Assimilation and family stories, speaking to my Grandma - Marina Final

Assimilation and family stories

Hearing people share their stories from home at all our different discussions this quarter made me really interested in hearing more about my Indonesian grandparents’ stories and exploring our idea of family history. 

On my mother's side, both grandparents immigrated from Indonesia to California in the 80s. Despite it being a major turning point in their lives, they never talked to me very much about the move, nor their background in Indonesia. After speaking more with my grandmother and aunt about it, I was told it was because they had a very hard time moving over and had tried to hide their Indonesian roots and act as 'American' as possible. That's what they thought assimilation was. Of course, by that count they failed. Although they went to church, bought a house, sent their kids to the local school… they barely spoke English, cooked different food, felt shy about introductions and the open, to them almost aggressiveness, of the firm handshakes and loud “Hi my name is Jim!”

There were stories of them starting a restaurant in order to earn Greencards and how every morning before school each of my aunts and uncles would be in charge of cutting a different part of the chicken, in a whole family assembly line;  how my grandpa changed his name from Jahja (yah-ee-ya) to Renier (rain-eer) to John, trying to find something more pronounceable; the family trying to fit in through church and my mom only liking Sunday service for the jam donuts…

But to this day, and even in these very conversations about ‘fitting in,’ my grandma apologises to me for her bad English when really, I tell her, it’s just as much my fault for not practicing my Indonesian. Assimilation can be more nuanced and healthy than simply trying to hide one’s roots and adopt the practices of another group of people. I was thinking maybe it’s about joining in without forcing yourself artificially to conform to foreign practices… but really it’s much more complicated than that and this class has just started to get me thinking more deeply about it.

I've really enjoyed this class and getting to know everyone a little better - Thank you so much!